Ugh.

This was an eye-opener for me.  

See that person with the rolled up jeans & black t-shirt?  That's me.  This picture was taken last Saturday at the craft show I was attending with my Mom (in the pink top) and my sister.  It was in the local newspaper.

~*~*~*~ oh, the horror ~*~*~*~

It really broke thru my wall of denial.   When I put on that outfit, (I'd been at my daughter's dance convention and returned later) I thought I looked good.  I like how the jeans fit & well, the t-shirt has the studio name across the front and "Competition Team Mom" on the back.   Apparently the jeans look much better from the front.  From the side....OMG.  I don't even want to imagine from behind.

I've been so complacent.  I'm back to feeling like I did before I started WW back in 2008.  I just feel fat & gross. My knees are OK most of the time.  I don't have heel spurs.  But my belly is currently resting on my legs as I sit & type.  And when I've been sitting for a while at work and then stand up. my hip hurts.  But it hurts in a weird place.  At the top of my hip bone, not the actual joint.  It takes a minute to work out, then I'm OK.

But I feel Blahhhh.   I just had lunch.  Tuna & light mayo on 2 SlimWich's and a cup of Chobani Greek yogurt. Good choices and I'm not over-full, but I still feel disgusting.

And to top it off, I'm having female issues again. Let's just say I could keep Always in business myself.   It's a good thing I have a doctor's appointment in 2 weeks, because I have lots of questions & concerns!

And I stood in front of the mirror in my bra & undies & took a long, objective look last night.  It was not a pretty sight.   And I took measurements last night.  Can't remember when I took them last.     My eTools charts are all wonky. but I was able to get beginning numbers.  Since August 2008, (this skims over the 18 lbs I put back on during winter 2011 when I took a break from WW) I've lost a total of 1.5 inches off my waist, 5 inches off my hips (DAMN!!), 1.5 off my arm and 2.5 off my thigh.  I don't know what happened with my bust #s, since it says I went up an inch, but I know darn well the girls have gotten smaller.  And I've lost a total of 47.4 lbs.

The lowest weight I've been has been 205.4 (Aug 2010) and it made me insane that I couldn't hit Onederland.  And now I'm stuck back around 220.  Granted I haven't been to a meeting since right before Halloween.  I find that it's rather discouraging when you're sitting there with 45+ lbs down and another 50+ to go and they make a big deal about some skinny bitch who lost a whopping 13 lbs and reached her goal.  But there are also people in the same boat as me.  But dammit, they need earlier meetings!  I hate getting home from work and be in the middle of doing housewifery stuff and them have to stop and leave again.  When I get home, I want to stay home!

This calls for some drastic measures.  Sigh.  We're going out to dinner tonight, since Randy is leaving for 10 days in Arkansas tomorrow.  But tomorrow I plan to drag out all my literature and books that I got when I re-started WW with the PointsPlus system and re-read it all and also check over the website to hopefully get me back in the saddle.  And I really need to figure out how to get my butt moving (note to self - rearrange the living room!) and also figure out how to get to a meeting regularly.

OK, the Pity Party has ended.  Please continue on with your irregularly scheduled blog reading!!  And here is a gratuitous, happy picture of Miss Maddie sleeping in the pike position on my unmade bed.

Beginning in January, I'm doing the 13 in 13 challenge with Rebecca at Weight Wars.  I haven't done this with her before, but it sounds pretty fun.  I'll have to come up with 13 goals and she'll send out mini-challenges and such.  Bring it, babycakes!